Kid Cash: Our reward system and why it works for Autistic Kids
"Eleni! Have you STILL not cashed that check I sent you back in July?!"
"Ugh. No, Mom. I'm sorry. It's right here on my fridge. I keep putting it off, I don't know why. I've just got a lot on my mind right now. The next picture book pitch event is coming up, I had been filling out questionnaires for 5's autism evaluation this week, the baby has been very irritable..."
Does this sound familiar to any of you Autistic and/or ADHD adults out there?
If so, then you probably struggle with Executive Functioning too.
Claire Jack, Ph.D wrote a great article for Psychology Today in August 2021 called "7 Executive Functioning Challenges for People With Autism." I'll link it at the bottom of this post.
Executive functioning can be broken down into several categories, but the one that is relevant to today is Working Memory. Dr. Jack describes Working Memory as "a person’s capacity to hold onto a limited amount of information in their mind so that it is ready for immediate use. Working memory can be thought of like a sticky note: the information is available and accessible when you need it—for instance, while you’re in the middle of a task."
As many as 80% of autistics have executive dysfunction (ASD; e.g. Lai et al., 2017).
Well, no wonder when I take my meds for my ADHD I still forget to cash that check.
Side note: my family is not what you would call "wealthy". I stay at home, my husband is still in training, and selling stuff online has been a side-gig for years.
Which shows, it is not that I don't NEED or WANT the money, it's just that my brain is so bombarded with everything that has to be done RIGHT NOW that it is easy to let that check staring at me on the fridge just hang there. Executive Dysfunction.
This is where Kid Cash comes in. But first, let's cover 3 IMPORTANT aspects of Kid cash that cannot be altered.
1) This is NOT a Chore Chart.
Listen, if you are a type-A, organized parent with children that also lean type-A with great executive functioning skills and no neurodivergence, then Chore Charts are GREAT. The issue when you and/or your kids are autistic or have ADHD is that burnout is a real thing. Everyday Most days, 7 or 5 will just LOSE it over something small that happens after school. They have been holding it together so they can be on their best behavior at school & our home is their safe space to let it all out. When an autistic has been focusing all their energy on keeping up with peers all day and you implement a mandatory, chore or reward chart? That is a recipe for turmoil.
Our Kid Cash Chart is a much better option for autistic kids. It allows them to earn "money" by helping out when they are mentally/physically able to. Therefore, they do not dread our system, they love it. I can tell when 5 & 7 are relaxed because they will ask, "How much money do I have?" or "How much do I earn when I vacuum again? Oh, let me go look on the chart". Basically, it GIVES them control and power instead of feelings of powerlessness.
2) Only ONE reward choice at a time.
This one also goes back to EF struggles. When I began this, I had another chart with about 3-6 reward choices. BIG MISTAKE. Let's refer back to Claire Jack, Ph.D to see why: "Devising a plan can be difficult for autistics; they can become easily overwhelmed."
Instead of saying, "Wow, Mom! Thanks for all the choices!", picking rewards became a stressful nightmare of waffling back and forth, being regretful of choices, and ultimately a frustrated angry mess.
3) Put tasks on the chart that they can ALREADY DO.
This one is huge. If your child is not potty trained, do not add "Peeing in the potty" on the chart. Many Autistic children will be developmentally behind their peers in one way or another. I guarantee that your child is not refusing to use the toilet out of spite, stubbornness, or whatever "character flaw" you choose. Again, putting tasks like this on the chart will just upset them and make them see the chart as yet another thing they can't do.
Kid cash can be made however you want! For us, I put our faces on US dollar amounts (based on age) and laminated them. I chose this method to help prepare for understanding of money later on. My mom used "smiles" in her classroom 30 years ago - un-laminated multi-colored circles with smiley faces on them. She did not use different values - every smile was worth the same. Either method is great; pick what is best for you and your family. Google some cute images and have fun with it! Some different ideas could be using Pokemon or Disney characters! Here is a bigger image of what types of tasks are on our chart.
Every chart is different depending upon the child's age and abilities. You can put as many or as few as you want. Here is an easier to read image of our chart below.
Now, I know some of you gentle parenting people have heard that rewards and praise can be detrimental to your child. I am unable to link any factual, peer-reviewed evidence that this is true, so I am not choosing to link any of these websites that are anti-reward/praise. The gist is that if you praise or reward your child, they will not have independence or internal validation.
Maybe this is true for a neurotypical child, I don't know.
But as an autistic parent to only autistic kids, this is a recipe to damage the relationship with your children. Autistic kids get enough negative messaging from the real world. In my experience and opinion, the best thing you can do for an autistic child is give them realistic praise, rewards when they have earned them, and unconditional love.
Thank you for reading and I hope this system works in your neurodivergent home!
Let me know if this worked (or didn't) for your family in the comments and if you have any questions, feel free to post those too!
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