Autism, Hoarding, and Marie Magic

We all struggle with decluttering at times. The bridesmaid dress you wore for your sister's wedding. Your baby's tiny Converse Chucks. And those hundreds of random pictures from high school - for those of us that lived in the pre-digital era. 

Some of us, however, struggle tons a bit more. I was one of those people. If you asked me, I would have denied a hoarding problem. Sure, I still had 90% of my high school wardrobe at 29 years old. And yeah, several large boxes of fabric that I never planned on sewing. My husband and I lived in a small home with no basement. So, obviously, the sane thing to do was stuff all that crap important stuff into our 3rd bedroom to the point where walking into the room was impossible. 

Let's just say I was well on my way to being featured on a certain A&E series. 

Then I heard about The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. I figured it was just the next trendy thing, but I gave it a try. Most of the book didn't do much for me (IE I'm not learning a new way to fold socks at this point in my life). However, I could tell whether or not I felt an item "spark joy" when I held it. The next step, which may sound insane to some people, was the icing on the cake. Marie Kondo suggests thanking your items after you have decided you no longer want them. For example, "Bridesmaid dress. Though your empire waist made me look 4 months pregnant and your chartreuse hue washed out my complexion, thank you for being there when I watched my sister marry her best friend." 

Boom. Life-Changing.

I donated bags and bags and bags of stuff. And I have never looked back. To this day, 5 years later, I consistently donate and sell things I don't use. 

Little did I know, Miss Kondo would also help my daughter one day. My daughter (and myself, as I'm learning), are both autistic. After skimming reading a few peer reviewed articles about hoarding and ASD, these studies consistently show that autistics have the highest rate of hoarding compared to those with OCD, anxiety disorder, or neurotypicals.

If you don't believe these results, witness my daughter attempt to put toys or clothes in a donate pile. 

Getting rid of anything in our home is incredibly stressful for my daughter. Just last week, she was crying and begging me and her brother to not donate a few of HIS Hot Wheels - which she doesn't even care about. My son, however, can pick up an item, say "Meh, I don't really like this. You can give it away." and not look back. 

Now that is magical to me. 

Anyway, it is always a struggle when girlfriend and I donate, but one thing that has helped is a tip from sweet Marie. We thank EVERYTHING. Leggings with holes, dolls with missing arms, outgrown shoes - all of it. It gives us both peace and closure. My daughter will usually ask me to take a picture of her with the item too. That way, in her words, "I will always remember it forever, Mommy." 

As autistics, we can always find ways to navigate our world. Sometimes, we just need a little help from a petite, Japanese woman.